Sometimes I think about how much I’ve changed in the last few years, and it scares me, but at the same time it makes me so, so, happy! It makes me happy because I think that who I am today is more who I was meant to be. I am sad to say that I used to be a complete and utter Rage Junkie. I lived to be angry, I always had something negative to say, I always had a chip on my shoulder and an attitude. My mom used to tell me I could be sweet as can be, but I could have an evil, venomous tongue.
This is not to say that I don’t still have a mean streak(See last post for proof). Stephen King had it right when he wrote Dolores Claiborne, and I know I’m going to screw the quote up, but I believe it goes, “Sometimes all a woman has to hold on to in this world is being a bitch.”. I know I screwed that up, don’t hate me, it’s been a while since I’ve read that one. I’ll have to break it out again.
Today though my anger has really mellowed out. Sometimes I think it’s because I have a more regular schedule, but really I think it’s just part of growing up and realizing that the shit you were mad about before is just petty and unimportant and that the only person you’re stressing by being mad all the time is yourself.
I also used to be a real night owl, regularly staying up past daybreak from the night before, nowadays I’m lucky if I make it to midnight most days. Most mornings I’m up by 6:30, today I slept in and didn’t get up until 7:15, if I could make it up before 5:30 I would gym it with my best friend Iguana(remember, this blog is anon). Gonna have to start working on that.
Anyway, Change…Sometimes you can look in the mirror and all you see is angst and crazy in your eyes, and then only a few short years later you look in the mirror, and see peace. I also think that God and my faith in Him have had a lot to do with my change. When I was angry, I was conflicted about God, I dabbled in Wicca for a while(high school), I didn’t accept my own faith, the one I was raised with. I still don’t go to Church as often as I would like, but I have accepted Jesus back into my heart, and I am Roman Catholic. I was raised Roman Catholic, and I love my Church despite the scandals and other people’s opinions.
Some days change is very pronounced, other days it’s easy to revert to rageaholic, that’s life though, even the most peaceful person has a really bad day every once in a while.